What are we doing Thursdays!!

What am I doing today?
Today is a busy day.  I am trying to get everything in order before this weekend.  My professor was kind enough to allow me to take a upcoming exam early due to a conflict that I had.  I had to run up to the college at 10 this morning to take that.  I was up really late studying for it and up to early with the boys this morning.  After I picked the boys up from my sweet friend Ashlea's house I came home and fed them the last few hotdogs we had in the fridge.  Went to wash my car but as soon as I pull up to the car wash they close it down for some reason.  That was frustrating.  I had a few emails that I needed to send so I thought while the kids are napping I could do that.  Laundry is in the wash.  I have a load that needs to be folded now.  A few more loads to do.  I also have to make a bank run, library run, clean out my car, cook dinner, can tomatoes, and do a few things to get ready for this weekend.  Like I said, today is a busy day!  If I can manage just a few of those things I think I'll be doing pretty good.

What are the boys doing?
The boys had a blast over at their friends house this morning.  Dexter keeps asking me if we can go back this afternoon and tomorrow.  I sure wish we could, but mommy has a lot of things to do.  Other than that they have been playing.  Both of them are playing so well "knock on wood" together since we got back from gigi and pawpaw's this past weekend.  I don't know if it was them being able to just play constantly with their cousins or if it's just starting to happen.  Either way they have really been playing well together this week.  Thank you Lord.  Mommy really appreciates it.  I love seeing them and hearing them play well with each other.

A few thoughts for the day:
I want to change the name of this blog or create a new one with a different name if I can't change the name of this one.  Any suggestions for a blog name?  I have never really liked keeping up with the Inman's it seems so kardashian like and it just rubs me the wrong way.  Also, I am thinking about hiring someone to paint our cabinets instead of me doing it.  I really would enjoy doing it on my own.  However, the time is just not there with me taking classes, etc.  So, if the price is right it would save me a ton of work and stress and have someone else do it for me.  If you are local and have any recommendations, please shoot me an e-mail.  Also, I ordered my mom a cheap tablet so that she can get on facebook and see my pics of the boys or I can send her pics, etc.  This should be interesting.

~Enjoy~

These days happen

Over the years I have come to accept that my mother is an alcoholic, and she will will probably always be an alcoholic.  I have come to accept that she smokes cigarettes that will destroy her lungs and will probably always smoke.  I have come to accept that she has dementia which is a disease that affects your mind/memory all because of her drinking over the years.  However, that does not mean that it does not hurt so bad to see her taking a drink of alcohol. Or that is doesn't hurt and make me angry every time I call her and she is so drunk that I can't understand a word she is saying.  It hurts deep and I usually don't show that side because it is a part of my life that I try to keep hidden.  Not because I am ashamed of it which I used to be, but more because it is easier to only show the surface where you know the problem is there but you don't have those hurt feelings.  Not today.  Today I am coming to you all broken and sad.  Some may say, oh, lets not "air the dirty laundry".  Well, this is me, my life.  A very small portion of my life that I have dealt with my whole life.  Today I am sitting in a doctors office with my mother.  She is in need of her inhaler refilled again because she is having trouble breathing.  On most days I would brush it off and not think too much about it but not today.  Today I picked up my drunk mother (I say this literal because I could smell the alcohol all over her when she got in my car) to take her to get medication for a lung problem that is getting worse and worse over the years.  Just in this year she has had to use an inhaler more than I have ever seen her use one.  I know that through the years she is going to continue to go downhill.  I know what all of these things can do to your body, and I continue to see them be proven fact time and time again.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  Tomorrow I will get up and get myself together, but for today I am sad.  I am sad that she can't stop.  I am sad that her health is deteriorating over the years.  However with all of this heart wrenching tug at your heart stuff I am so thankful.  I am thankful that even though her health is deteriorating it is doing so slowly and that most days are still very good days.  Today, I find hope in God.  I find hope that my God is a God who performs miracles.  If those miracles never come to her I know that everything works out to glorify Him.  I have seen it time and time again.  That alone gives me hope and peace. If you are reading this just lift up a prayer for her addictions, prayer for her health, and most of all a prayer for conviction on her heart.  I lay all of this down at the feet of Jesus.  This song is perfect for today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Btfz9qKXUIk   I hope it helps you too to find some confort.

I don't write this so that I can put my mother in a bad image and I hope that you don't view her in a bad image.  I really do. She is not always drinking to the point where she is slurring her words or can't understand a word you are saying.  Today was just a bad day and it got to me because she was also sick.  My mother is a wonderful person and you would be lucky to know her and have her in your life.  She has a sickness that she can't get away from, but it does not change who she is and always has been.  She is a person that would do anything for anyone.  She helps me in so many ways and I will forever be grateful.  She loves her grandchildren more than anything and would do anything for them.  I do mean anything.  lol.  She really is a wonderful person.

I do write this because just maybe there is someone out there feeling the same way I do.  I am a mixture of feeling when it comes to this topic.  I am sad some days, angry some days, and scared of the unknown future other days.  It is okay to let yourself feel these feelings.  To have those days where you just need to feel it.  It's part of healing.  However, you have to pick yourself up and look around.  This is just a part of your life and you have so many other things that you can be thankful for.  For me I have God in my life, I have my wonderful husband, kids and a huge family, and I still have my mother in my life.  A mother who loves me, but can't help her addiction.

~Enjoy~